I
recently read an online article about the feelings that those back home have
when a close friend or family members moves to a far away country. It described
feelings of dejection and aloneness. Maybe even implying that the one who moved
away did not care much for those “back home.” I have been thinking a lot about
that article and how I believe it to be true, but only half of the story.
Because, what people may not realize is that those who have gone far from home
have similar feelings. It hurts to think that I am not going to be there to see
my niece until she is almost one year old. I feel like a bad friend when I am
unable to go to a dear friend’s wedding. I wonder if I seem like a stranger to
some of my best friends when I haven’t seen them in months or years. I am torn
to imagine that maybe I am going to miss the last family reunion that my
grandparents will attend. It is not that I don’t want to be a part of those
things; rather it is if only I could be a part of all of them. However, I feel
that God has given me a call to serve Him in a place that happens to be far
from where I was. And I am learning to trust that He has a wise plan for my
future and would not lead me so if He felt there was a better way. It would be
easy for me to move back home, find a “normal job”, and attend all those
specials events. Life as a missionary is by no means easy. Learning who you are
and figuring out all your faults is not very comfortable. Trying to live with
others who are going through the same process makes it even more complicated.
But through it all, I am glad that God is refining me. Sometimes I wish that a
piece of the birthday cake could be saved for me in the freezer, and when I
come home the next time I can eat it and look at pictures and hear stories
about how it all happened. Sometimes I wish that I could teleport myself to my
grandparents’ house for family reunion so that I could see my whole family
together once again. Sometimes, I wish that I had unlimited Internet so that I
could at least video Skype with all my friends and family back home. Reality
doesn’t always fulfill my wishes, but I understand better all the time how God
seems to work out everything in His perfect timing. So when I cannot be there
on your special day, please remember that I am thinking of you and praying that
God gives you success in whatever you may do for Him.
